Decade birthdays have always been major milestones for me. I was a teacher in a K-12 school when I turned 30. All of a sudden the students considered me old. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I remember a conversation I had with my mother about my kindergarten teacher, Miss Roosevelt. I thought she was an elderly woman in her 60s. My mom told me that she was in her 20s! Age is relative. And it definitely depends on who is doing the aging.
At 40 I had my midlife crisis. I quit my job, moved out of the house I was literally born in and adopted my son. I remember feeling not only the biological clock ticking, but also a greater sense of the impermanence of things with my dad passing away a few years prior.
For my 50th birthday I decided that I wanted to do something special for myself. It was one of those mom fantasies. My son was ten and as much as I loved him (and still do), I needed some me time. The Yoga Journal Conference in San Francisco happens every year around my birthday and I always wanted to go. So, I decided that was the year. While I was there I had my palm read. The guy was good. He looked at my hand and without asking me any questions told me that I was a teacher and a scholar (so true) and had been so for many lifetimes. He also read that I had some major life changes in my 40’s (see above) and that I would have some more in my mid 50’s (my mother!) He also told me that I would work for my entire lifetime. Since I apparently have a long life line I guess retirement is not in my near future. Maybe someday I can shoot for being the world’s oldest yoga teacher!
After my 50th birthday extravaganza, I decided that, for my 60th, I wanted to spend time with my family and friends. Mitchell and I are taking a trip together and visiting some friends along the way.
Each decade has felt a little like a leap into the unknown and a time for leaving some things behind and taking up other new and different things. Getting older in our culture is a challenge with so much focus on youth and beauty. Like others before me, I don’t necessarily feel any older on the inside. Yes, there are aches and pains at times and I cannot ride my bike as fast or run as fast as people half my age, but I am still out there doing the things I love to do.
I am grateful for my yoga practice all through these years. I credit yoga with keeping me healthy physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. My focus in the practice has definitely changed over time. In the beginning I did it for relaxation. Then, as the popularity of yoga increased, I got swept up in the physical practice and achieving poses. Although I never felt comfortable with posting poses on Instagram, students do want to know what you are capable of doing physically. Now, I am more interested in how the physical practice influences my internal world. I know that strength, balance and flexibility are important as we get older. But so is contentment, clarity and peace.
As an older yoga teacher I face my own physical limitations of an aging body. One thing I have had to let go of is that I no longer attract young students who are only in it for the physical practice. As I move into this next decade of my life, I leap with the guidance of many others who have gone before me, I am holding the hands of those who are moving with me and I hope to light the way for those who come after me.
As I move into this next decade, the physical practice is still important. Mr. Iyengar taught that when the body is dull, the mind can become dull, So I will continue to practice and explore the poses, but the physical body is only one of the five sheaths of the body. There is also the energetic sheath of the breath, the mental sheath of the senses, the intellectual sheath of the mind and the blissful sheath of exploring the inner Self. I hope to keep exploring the many layers of this practice called yoga with you for years to come.