All Dharma Teachings agree on one point – lessening one’s self-absorption.

It is the perfect time of year to be reading The Book of Joy about the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, written by Douglas Abrams.
The topic sentence that heads this blog post comes from The Book of Joy, where the Buddhist method of Lojong teachings is mentioned. (Lojong is a mind training practice based on a set of aphorisms that are designed as an antidote to undesired mental habits that cause suffering.)

The text clarifies that when we focus only on ourselves, we are destined to be unhappy: “Contemplate that, as long as you are too focused on your self-importance and too caught up in how you are good or bad, you will experience suffering. Obsessing about getting what you want and avoiding what you don’t want does not result in happiness. Included in this text is the admonition: “Always maintain a joyful mind.”
This ties in with the yogic teaching on the five kleshas being the main obstacles on our path to Samadhi, which translates as meditative absorption, freedom and joy.

The five kleshas are:
Avidya, or seeing things incorrectly. (Looking for happiness in all the wrong places)
Asmita, or ego. (Focusing too much on ourselves)
Raga, or attachment (Focusing on getting what we want)
Dvesha, or aversion (Trying to avoid what we don’t want)
Abhinivesha, or fear, specifically fear of death (Fear of change of any sort, but specifically the ultimate change of dying.)

So, what is a joyful mind?

Buddhists believe that joy is our natural state, but the ability to experience joy can be cultivated as a skill. So much depends on where we put our attention: on our own suffering or that of others, on our own perceived separation or on our indivisible connection.

Everybody wants to be happy, but the challenge is that a lot of people don’t know how. I was surprised to read in this book a statistic about a psychological study done in 1978 that found that lottery winners were not significantly happier than those who had been paralyzed in an accident! The study was perhaps the first that put forth the idea that we all have a default state of happiness; that after the initial reaction wears off, we return to a “set point”.

Further psychological studies suggest that certain immutable factors such as our genes and our temperament make up this idea of a set point which constitutes about 50% of our happiness. The other half is determined by a combination of our circumstances, over which we may have limited control, and our attitudes and our actions, over which we have a great deal of control.

Three practices that have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are:
Our ability to reframe our situation more positively. (Learn to see the lesson or blessing in every situation.)
Our ability to experience gratitude. (Cultivate a gratitude practice.)
Our choice to be kind and generous. (Always be mindful of the needs of others.)
These three practices create the attitudes and actions help us cultivate a more joyful life.

There is a wonderful Buddhist parable about suffering and the end of suffering. This story is known as the Parable of the Mustard Seed.
A young mother’s only son dies. She is heartbroken and stricken with grief. She carries his body from neighbor to neighbor asking each one if they have any medicine or can do anything to revive him, but no one can. One neighbor suggests that she take her son to Buddha and ask him to bring her son back to life. The Buddha agrees to revive her son, but he tells the woman that she needs to gather mustard seeds from households that have never been touched by death. From these special mustard seeds he will create a medicine that will revive her son. All of her neighbors are willing to give her mustard seeds, but they all told her that none of them have been untouched by death.

Through this process the woman becomes enlightened. She is able to step out of her own grief and experience the grief of others. She becomes less focused on herself and finds friends and community.

As you gather around the Thanksgiving table this year, be grateful for the many blessings in your life, for the food you have to eat, for all of those who contributed to that food being on your table, for your family and friends and finally, may you not be too self-absorbed, may you always be mindful of the needs of others.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” - Melody Beattie

How is Progress on the Path Measured?

In one of the yoga teacher training programs I took, I had a manual that had an interesting index heading:  "Measuring the Efficacy of Practice".   I turned eagerly to the page to read what it said.

“Progress on the path of yoga is defined by an increase in happiness and contentment; your relationships improve, your feathers get ruffled less easily and you can find contentment in any moment, even if it is painful.” ( I paraphrased, it was actually quite a bit longer, but that is the gist of it.)

The goal of any authentic spiritual practice is to stop suffering and attain perfect happiness.  We are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.  But, most people seem to be living in a state of vague discontent.  How do we become happy?  The first step is to look around us and see how unbelievably lucky we really are.  Count your blessings.  Focus on all that you do have.

In order for this to be effective it is necessary to establish the practice of gratitude.  Once a day stop and take stock of 5 things you have to be grateful for.  You can keep a journal if you like a writing practice, or you can simply pause during the day and think of these things.

There is a well known saying:  It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us happy.

The next step is to go on a complaining fast.  If you don’t like something and you can change it, then do so.  If you can’t, complaining won’t help.

You may be surprised at how much of what passes for conversation is actually complaining.  Once you become aware of this habit you may notice when others are complaining.  In that case, don’t judge, simply take note and turn the mirror on yourself.  Is that what you look and sound like when you are complaining?   Does complaining help you get happier?  According to the laws of karma, complaining only brings about more of the same.

One interesting note is that there has been less complaining in class.  There are no good poses or bad poses unless we assign them such qualities.  Challenging yoga poses are the perfect opportunity to practice breathing with equanimity under pressure.

Try these three practices: Count your blessings, keep a gratitude journal and go on a complaining fast and let me know how you are making out.  Share your thoughts by leaving a comment in the space below.

Namaste,

Karin

P.S.

I wanted to share a poem I heard on my favorite podcast "On Being"  with Krista Tippet. It seemed to fit with the theme of gratitude.

“I had no idea that the gate I would step through / to finally enter this world / would be the space my brother’s body made. He was / a little taller than me: a young man / but grown, himself by then, / done at twenty-eight, having folded every sheet, / rinsed every glass he would ever rinse under the cold / and running water. / This is what you have been waiting for, he used to say to me. / And I’d say, What? / And he’d say, This — holding up my cheese and mustard sandwich. / And I’d say, What? / And he’d say, This, sort of looking around.”  - Marie Howe

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

Several years ago I developed a daily gratitude practice.  I wanted to shift things in my life.  Somehow I knew I had a good life, or even a great life, but I found myself complaining a lot about things. I felt dissatisfied somehow.  I began to see that I was focusing on those things that were going wrong in my life, rather than what was going right.

Back in November 2013, I was waiting in line at the grocery store and I picked up O magazine.   I have always loved Oprah's article called "What I Know for Sure" which is on the last page of the magazine.   In this particular article she wrote about how much her gratitude practice helped her.  I remember thinking that Oprah, who seemed to have everything, had to practice being grateful???  But she did.  And, so, I thought that if it was good enough for her, then maybe I should give it a try.

I keep a journal by my bedside and write in it every night 5 things I am grateful for.  That was the beginning in a big shift in my attitude.  Sometimes I am grateful for the same things every night: my husband, my son, my house.  Sometimes I am grateful for the simplest things:  my car starts every morning when I turn the key, I have hot water, I don't have a tooth ache.  The act of being grateful points the way to other things that I am grateful for and so my life changes from feeling somewhat vaguely discontented to realizing how wonderful my life truly is!

One of the things I am enormously grateful for is my job.  I love teaching yoga and I love my students.  In one of my teacher training sessions, one of my students, who also shared a love of Oprah, shared a book with me:  29 Gifts by Cami Walker.

Here is the description of the book from Amazon:

"At age thirty-five, Cami Walker was burdened by an intensified struggle with multiple sclerosis, a chronic neurological disease that left her debilitated and depressed. Then she received an uncommon “prescription” from South African healer Mbali Creazzo: Give away 29 gifts in 29 days.

29 Gifts is the insightful story of the author's life change as she embraces and reflects on the naturally reciprocal process of giving. Many of Walker's gifts were simple—a phone call, spare change, a Kleenex. Yet the acts were transformative. By Day 29, not only had Walker's health and happiness improved, but she had created a worldwide giving movement. 29 Gifts shows how a simple, daily practice of altruism can dramatically alter your outlook on the world."

Check out the 29 gifts website here.

The book details the "prescription" given to Cami by Mbali Creazzo which I wrote about here.

I know that Thanksgiving is the time of the year that we are already supposed to be be thankful.  So, I thought it would be a good idea to take this time to cultivate an "Attitude of Gratitude" that lasted for more than one day.  You might feel that with the beginning of the holiday season that you are already worried about what you are "getting" other people.  But I encourage you to think about these gifts differently.  A gift could be: a compliment, a hug, giving somebody something you already have (but maybe don't use) that you know they would want.

Mbali writes about how the prescription of giving for 29 days changed her life.  She says:  "When I am in service to another person, I am moving from a place of self-centeredness to selflessness.  The act of giving inherently carries gratitude in it.  For me, it is impossible to give without feeling grateful."

Maybe the timing is not quite right for you to begin giving 29 gifts right now.  If it isn't,  wait until you have read the book.  Maybe you start in the new year, as I did on January 4th of last year.  If you do this practice, I guarantee it will cause a shift in your perspective and may very well change your life.

I leave you with my favorite quote about gratitude.  I read this every Thanksgiving to my classes and at my own Thanksgiving dinner table:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” - Melody Beattie

If you embark on this mission, please share your experiences below.  May you have a wonderful holiday filled with gratitude for all the blessings in your life!

Namaste,

Karin