ahimsa

What is up with "Venting"?

The Five Layers of the Body

The Five Layers of the Body

My intention as a yoga teacher is to teach "alignment based yoga".  Maybe that sounds obvious, after all who would teach yoga in a non-aligned way?  That would just be unsafe.  Proper physical alignment in postures is important to stretching and strengthening safely.  But physically aligned poses just touch one layer of our being.

Annamaya Kosha:  The physical, or food layer.  This layer contains our muscles, bones and organs.  This is the physical level of doing postures "correctly".
Pranamaya Kosha:  The energetic level.  This is the level of our breath, our energy, our spirit.  We do Pranayama, or breath work, to access this layer.
Manomaya Kosha: The mental layer.  This is the level of our senses, awareness and perception of things.  This is where we experience the postures and the effects they have on us.
Vijnamaya Kosha:  The intellectual layer.  This layer contains our ability to discern, to discriminate. This is where we are concerned with what is behind the postures.
Anandamaya Kosha: The bliss layer.  This is where we recognize our connection to something greater than ourselves.

There is more to yoga than just doing postures correctly; it has to do with how we perceive and act in our world, it also has to do with the quality of our health and energy and our interactions with others.  Our yoga practice really begins the moment we step off our mat.

In my Yoga Teacher Training Program we talk about the Yamas and the Niyamas; the ethical precepts of yoga.  The first one is ahimsa, or non-violence and the second one is satya, or truthfulness.  Recently a student had this question:  “I was thinking about the yamas and niyamas, about ahimsa and satya- and I'm wondering does complaining or 'venting' fall into either of these categories? I often vent to my boyfriend about people in my life (like my friends or my mom) if I get frustrated with them or annoyed at something they did or said. I don't think this is gossiping, because I am just venting my frustrations, but I feel like it is something! I'm just not sure which yama it would fall under.”

Venting is something we all do and while it sometimes feels good to get things off your chest, it also doesn’t feel good.  As the student comments, “…it is something!”

There are several reasons why it is “something”.

The First Two Yamas: Ahimsa and Satya

The yamas are considered restraints.  As I mentioned above, we have only talked about ahimsa and satya so far.  So I will only look at these two; although the yamas and niyamas are meant to be looked at in relationship to each other because they are truly intertwined.  Is venting your frustrations harmful to another?  Maybe not if the person about whom you are talking doesn’t hear it.  But what if they did?  They might not like what you said about them.  Would what you said be harmful?  If the answer is “yes”, then you know that you are not in alignment with ahimsa.  In terms of satya, or truthfulness is what you said true?  Or, is it just your opinion?  While you may not like what your friend or mother did, that is your opinion.  You don’t know why they acted the way they did.  People do things for their own reasons.  More about his under The Four Agreements later.

The Laws of Karma

The real question to ask is how does venting harm you?   This is where the laws of karma come in.  Karma is defined as anything you think, do or say.  Thoughts and words plant seeds as much as actions do. One of the reasons it feels like “something” when you vent about others is that it is planting negative seeds.  Planting seeds of gossiping or complaining causes those things to happen to you.  Just like planting a tomato seed will only produce tomatoes and not pumpkins. Have you ever been hurt by what others have said about you?  The best cure for that is to not say things about others.  This is a challenging but extremely rewarding practice.  I think it is human nature to vent our frustrations, but nothing good ever comes out of it.  While I initially think I will feel better when I get it off of my chest, I almost always feel a little cheap or dirty, a little something, afterwards.  In other words, I don’t feel good about it.

The Four Agreements

While these agreements come from a different discipline, I think they are applicable here.

  1. Be Impeccable with your Word:Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

  2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
    Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

  3. Don’t Make Assumptions
    Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

  4. Always Do Your Best
    Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. 

Again, I will refer to the first two only.  (What a coincidence!)  Venting falls under the category of Being Impeccable with your Word which relates to satya.  This one is simple; venting is not using your word in the direction of truth and love.  In my study of yoga philosophy I have learned that the ancient seers believed that the universe was created by sound.  Even in the Bible, Genesis starts with: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” In yoga there is this idea that the sound “AUM” is the sound of creation.  Scientists have discovered that there is a sound, a vibration in the universe that corresponds to the sound of AUM.  We have all heard that we have the power to create our world with our words, or to destroy someone else’s. In order to manifest things in our lives we often have to speak them out loud.  What do we want to create? What are we creating with our words either consciously or unconsciously?  Again, since karma is everything you think, do or say we need to pay more attention to our thoughts, actions and speech.  There is an interesting story I heard about our thought patterns:

A man was looking to relocate his family in a new town.  He decided to take a drive one day to check out the town he wanted to move into.  He stopped at a gas station to fill his tank and he asked the attendant what the people were like who lived in this town.  The gas station attendant was very wise and asked the motorist what the people who lived in his town were like.  The man said that the people in his town were very nice, hard-working, trustworthy and always ready to lend a hand to someone in need.  The gas station attendant said, “Well, I guess you will find people to be the same around here.”  The man thanked him and drove off.   On another day another man was looking to relocate to this same town.  He pulled into the gas station and asked the attendant what the people were like who lived in this town.  The attendant asked what the people who lived in his town were like.  The man said he hated the people in his town and that was why he was looking to move away.  He said the people were mean and he didn’t trust his neighbors.  The gas station attendant said, “Well, I guess you will find people to be the same around here.”

The Divine Truth of the Seventh Chakra

According to medical intuitive, Caroline Myss, the “Divine Truth” of the seventh chakra is to “Live in the present moment”.  The last reason I can think of as to why venting is “something” is the idea that we are usually venting about something that has already happened.  Another story: 

Monks take a vow of celibacy and are not supposed to have contact with women.  Once, long, long ago, two monks were walking along a path.  They came upon a finely dressed women who asked the monks if they could carry her across the stream as there was no bridge or other way to get across without ruining her dress. The younger monk felt very uncomfortable about touching the woman and declined.  The older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the stream and set her down safely on the other side.

The two monks walked along for a little while in silence.  Finally the younger monk asked the older monk how he felt about breaking his vow and touching a woman.  The older monk looked at the younger monk and said, “Brother, I put that woman down a half an hour ago.  Why are you still carrying her around?”

We cannot control our friends or our parents.  And we know that people do things for their own reasons.  How much of our energy are we tying up by living in the past and complaining about what someone did previously?  Can we learn to unplug, to let go and to bring all of our energy into the present moment?  Better yet, can we learn to bless our friends, neighbors, parents or kids as they move along on their journey while we attend to ours?  Think of how much more energy we will have for ourselves and our own affairs if we let go of the affairs of others.

Simple but not easy!